Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
