awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
