You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
