now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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