I am puke
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
