whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
