He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
