she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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