Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
