Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
