Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want to fling myself into the sun
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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