I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
