i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
