I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
