I wish I only lived at night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
