I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
