dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I will pee on everything he values.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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