Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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