I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
