Your face is a jimmy john
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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