problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
