I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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