Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
