weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
