omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
