just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
