You kept calling me your small dog last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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