at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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