I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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