yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
