Michael Bay diarrhea
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
