no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
