my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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