dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
