i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
