This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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