Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
