I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
