you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
