Fine. I'll sleep in my office
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
