i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
