Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
