on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
