he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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