I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
