he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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