she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
