I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
