Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
