why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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