i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
