would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
