My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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