She is in my trunk
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
