I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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