how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
