I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We left an ass print on the piano.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
