Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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