3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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